For those who saw I was worried:

An update from the source:

My enquiry has been assigned reference number CSC38595E and will be dealt with in due course.

How happy and satisfied I feel. Our State is truly glorious. :P

Times like these that I feel like tearing up my Tory membership card and trampling on it. (The council is Tory.)

This is bolstered by a chat I had with him briefly before leaving home to get years of tartar excised from my teeth:

[08:29] [REDACTED]: They responded to my enquiries by referring me to the Citizens' Committee, the Citizens' Committee seemed surprised I was even asking them anything
[08:29] [REDACTED]: And told me to ask the local council
[08:29] [REDACTED]: The local council referred me back to the Citizens' Committee
[08:31] [REDACTED]: Who finally responded to me by saying that the police head office had evidently not been specific to the officers, but the public head office isn't open to contact
[08:31] [REDACTED]: So I would have to ask the local council

Despite that little narrative, it looks like he's made a little progress, at least, and he definitely doesn't sound so spooked.

Thanks to those who responded--and Dr Toc, if you're willing, I'd love to chat with you about the differences you found between living in the US and the UK. I'm going through something similar in Australia...